SMS & Jokes

English Adult SMS

A man wanted 2 get married! He had a choice of 3 women! 1st woz a rich docter, 2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute! WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wid big tits!

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Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too. then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

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I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day!

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23 useless parts on a mans body. 20 nails u cant hammer. 2 balls u cant throw & 1 cock that cant "crow". dont laff ladies??UR PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE

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Why do women have orgasms during sex??? It gives them something to moan about even when they are fuc***g enjoyin themselves.

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Do you like maths? if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

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What a girl wants? A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts. who opens her heart recives love. who opens her legs recieves happines.

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Different types! There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

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Man & Wife ... Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

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Read Message - American students say:..... people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand.

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Under arrest I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 69 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks & sex appeal. remain silent & report 2 my bedroom

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The Alien Hello!Im a little alien called Kan. I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone. And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb!

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What are they? Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts!

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Poem .. Peter Peter Pumpkin eater.had a wife & liked to beat her. smacked her twice around da head. F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!

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Name the three greatest kings of the world? sucKING, licKING and fucKING!

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Define BOOBS: Two big hills with a dry rivulet in between.

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Q: What is the lightest thing in the world? A: A penis...even a thought can raise it.

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A pros for nite: 200 Bucks, Hotel Room: 300 Bucks, Condom: 10 Bucks, Erection? SORRY!!! There r somethings money can`t buy, for everything else there`s Master Card.

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Question: Y is the male organ called the fountain of youth? Answer: B`coz whoever, whenever, wherever rubs it ~ the wrinkles go away.

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When a woman arouses a man and leaves, she is known as a Cock Teaser. What is a male called that does the same to female? MOISTURISER!!

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What's common between sun and a woman's underwear? Both r hot; Both look good while going down; Both disappear by night.

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Which woman has the biggest vagina in the world? Sunny Deol's mother, b'coz Sunny himself said > 'MEIN NIKLA GADDI LEKE'

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Man: Dr. whenever I look in the mirror, I get an erection. Dr: that`s b`coz u look like a CHOOT.

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I have liked many but loved very few. Yet no-one has been as sweet as u. I`d stand and wait in the worlds longest queue. just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

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I have liked many but loved very few. Yet no-one has been as sweet as u. I`d stand and wait in the worlds longest queue. just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

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When you love someone truly, you don`t look for faults, you don`t look for answers, you don`t look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults and overlook the excuses.

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Lady to shopkeeper-Which shampoo should I have ? Shopkeeper-If you want for your head, take Head & Shoulder, But if u want for hair in the panty, Take panteen

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Newtons sex laws- 1 A hole always attracts a pole. 2 Length of pole is equal 2 depth of hole. 3 Up & down motion, releases lotion, wich increases population.

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Newtons sex laws- 1 A hole always attracts a pole. 2 Length of pole is equal 2 depth of hole. 3 Up & down motion, releases lotion, wich increases population.

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Sharma ji used to fuck mrs Sharma using milk as lubricant. Later she was rushed to hospital, when the Doctor came out of OT said, no baby or baba, just 1kg MAWA.

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